its not stalking. its research.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
