I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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