please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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