Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
