we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
