It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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