my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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