when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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