I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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