I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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