i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Text me some of your sweat
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
