my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
