It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
