im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
