i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize