Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
