I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
