Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can text with my tongue
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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