So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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