dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
