just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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