Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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