Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
