there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
