I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
why is half of my head shaved?
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