We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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