First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
