Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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