I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
