A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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