Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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