She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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