i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
