i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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