That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
