I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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