been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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