I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
