dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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