After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
