what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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