Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
