Small penises have feelings too.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
