You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
