I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
