I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
