You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
