**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my shit smells like andre
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
