Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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