im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
