are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
