oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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