I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
