I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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