he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
