I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize