one might say we're banned from that church
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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