Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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