I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the condom got lost in my hair
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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