i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
