i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
