how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
