he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
pray to the hookup gods
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
