I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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