Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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