next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize