So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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