I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
