why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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