You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
