literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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