This is not my ceiling
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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