there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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