i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
