apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
