please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
