Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
