I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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