I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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