is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
