she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
50% drunk capacity currently
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
