My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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