so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
