I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
