she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
