There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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