I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
