i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
