I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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