fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
