from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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