He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
