So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
