Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
