Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize