omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I did not marry a roomba.
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