Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
