They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
