My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
