everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
