He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
