Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
