i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
