so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
