I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
